Ello Ella

Dear Agony Aunt,
We are plagued with wasps.
There are thousands of them drawn by the jam we serve with our scones.
It's really annoying.
We've set out jars with a little jam and water, strategically placed to lure them away from our customers but it only works up to point. Several people have given up and taken their tea inside.
I need a new plan.
I am investigating making attractive wasp traps. Before peak wasp time tomorrow.
I don't need your help with this.

Here's my query:
When we were discussing stuff that wasps don't like I mixed up limoncello and citronella.
Is this age?
If so should I keep them in different cupboards?

P p p priceless

Overheard yesterday, from an older lady to a young boy:
"Can you think of the name of a black and white bird?"
Silence.
"A black and white bird that lives at the South Pole?"
More silence...and then:
"A cow?"

One Year Out

The Pop Master genie is still working his magic.
Now though it's even better.
Those who come in and ask if I was the woman on Pop Master on Radio 2 have now forgotten how badly I did way back in March (12points) and just recall that I mentioned the tea rooms. A lot.
They usually ask me to remind them if I made it through to 3-in-10 (yes, but only because the second contestant was even less of a master of pop than I am) and what 3-in-10 I was asked (Daryl Hall and John Oates - no chance).
Thank you, Ken.

Veg to differ.

Courgettes. Not my favourite vegetable I'll admit but as an ingredient they are magnificent.
Currently we are being brought lots by local growers and we're making courgette, celery and pea soup.
I shall also be asking Claire to make her fine Mystery Chocolate Cake next week.
The mystery?

Setting the world to rights

Four smartly dressed women sat in the garden with their coffees.
I was clearing tables around them and in the few minutes spent in earshot they had identified several things wrong with society:

1. The queues in M&S cafes.
2. Mothers who let their children eat things out of the trolley as they go around Asda.
3. Mobile phones.

The main worry about number 3 is, from what I could gather, that young people can't be separated from them and are always staring at them.
Sometimes young mothers who do this are the same people involved in number 2.
From inside one of their handbags a phone was heard to ring.
It rang and rang as the owner, increasingly desperate, tried to find it.
She couldn't.
It stopped ringing.
Probably for the best.

Gratis

A couple bought one of our plants today. Outside we have an amazing array provided by a local specialist nursery.
I commented as they left how unusual it was. A sort of tall blue thistle (pls note: no gardening knowledge).
"Yes, it's lovely," said he, "and it almost came with a free bee."
She laughed.
"Free bee" she echoed.
We all laughed.

Red

Our little stock of lost property is growing by the week.
We almost have enough children's sip beaker things to open a store.
Albeit a store of second hand, used , slightly chewed sip beaker things.
So perhaps I shouldn't approach Dragons' Den just yet.

I've been away for a week. A lovely break of sleeping. And reading. And trying not to burn.

I loved Danny Baker's autobiography, "Going to Sea in a Sieve" and Jack Dee's "Thanks for Nothing".
I also read "After Iris. The Diaries of Bluebell Gadsby" which is meant for teens but which I thought was a fab read. Great characters, good story. Written by my friend Natasha Farrant.

I am not at all biased. Honest.
If I hadn't liked it I simply wouldn't have mentioned it.