I want to be alone

"At our church we're known as the ladies on sticks," they said, "and Gordon."
Gordon also used a stick and swayed back and forth in the chair to get up the momentum to propel himself upright. One of the nice ladies on sticks asked if she could smoke and was very pleasant when I said I'd prefer it if she didn't.
Not as busy a day as I'd expected though the scones were again a favourite. A sprinkling of teachers making the most of their last couple of days of freedom, one of whom said she couldn't wait to go back to school. Her own kids were driving her mad.
I called Anna to order more of her amazing fruit cake. Her 7 year old son answered the 'phone. Could I speak to Mummy? "No, sorry," he said, "Mummy's having some private time."
What does that mean, I wonder?

Record Breakers

It all began with a coach party from Loughborough. En route to Ludlow. They had coffee and were wowed by the Church. Two of them took bags of scones away with them - frozen ones, so that they could have them on the coach later.
Then all those people who didn't come yesterday came today. And so did their sisters and their cousins and their aunts. Some of them took scones away with them too. We reckon we must have got through 60-70 scones. Our jacket potato record (16) was smashed (18. And it would have been more but we ran out of spuds). My teacake ordering was woeful. They ran out half way through the day.
At the end of it all the coach party felt like a week ago.

Don't bank on it.

We were prepared on all fronts. The display fridge groaned under the weight of cakes; two soups were ready; staff were primed and pinnied (lots of us).
But it was certainly not the busiest Sunday we've ever had. Dreadful rain and bright sunshine meant people didn't know what to do with themselves. We sold more plants than lemon drizzle cake which I've taken as a personal slight.
A couple have made us their regular stopping point for their journey from North Wales to Southampton.
I am wary of tomorrow. It's Bank Holiday but the weather forecast has not yet made up its mind.

Food For Thought

A very busy day which has my knees knocking. Tomorrow and Monday could be even better (worse). We couldn't fill the cake display quickly enough.
This morning a lady who'd brought a group for lunch in July rang to ask if we're doing Christmas lunches. The plan is to close our doors at the end of October and reopen in March. Turkey does not figure this year in our plans although we do have the fantastic Goodman's Geese in the village. Perhaps we should do a Michaelmas Goose lunch at the end of September?

Dessert Storm

A much better day. The sun came out and I managed to make a lemon drizzle for the first time in months. Today we had more of those watching-what-they-eat folks.
Couple #1: 2 cappuccinos (no chocolate), 2 quiches (no potatoes) and a chocolate brownie with double cream.
Couple #2: 1 tea, 1 hot water, an egg sandwich to share and TWO pieces of lemon drizzle cake. Then they came back for a third piece of lemon drizzle to take away "for my niece" (?).
Courgette and watercress soup is a magical combo.
I'm now drafting in family to fill the Bank Holiday staff gaps.

So long, farewell.

Rain. Rain. Rain.
A few damp people braved the weather, but not many. Was it worth opening? Only because Ita cleaned the place from top to bottom.
190 people came to the Church for a funeral, retiring to a pub afterwards. The man in question was brought in to church to Jim Reeves "Distant Drums". The middle "hymn" was Edelweiss. He left the church to Fleetwood Mac's "The Chain".
Best song to play at a funeral: "If You Don't Know Me By Now"?

What a Carry On

Home again, facing a serious amount of rain and the last Bank Holiday of the tea room season. Hats off to the Bewdley Civic Society members who came for their tour of the Court despite the downpours and came to us for tea afterwards. The scone to fruit cake ratio changes in the damp. Hardly anyone wants scones with cream (a pity as we have SO much cream) but plenty want a big hearty slice of Anna's best.
Bank Holiday Monday looms and each new day brings a different member of staff who can't work. One will be in Dublin celebrating her GCSEs.Two are on holiday. One more is babysitting while parents and their friends go out to lunch. Today I asked Ita what was keeping her from joining us on Monday and was, well, surprised by the response. "I'm going to Hay on Wye," she told me, "to climb Lord Hereford's Knob".
It does exist. I've just looked it up.

Cliff

Tomorrow I am leaving the tea rooms in very capable hands and driving to Scotland with my family and the dog for 5 whole days. I am currently ironing ALL our clothes as if we were going on a three month expedition. I have spent the last two days filling the tea rooms with drinks, cakes and all manner of other supplies as if I were going on a three month expedition.

Sweet Enough

"What sugar-free drinks do you have?" asked a middle-aged man.
Apart from tea and coffee? Just diet coke I ventured. I didn't mention water. Still or sparkling.
"Right," he said, "one diet coke please. And my friend will have tea with NO SUGAR. "
I was beginning to see that they didn't want any sugar.
Then he added: "And two pieces of that cake please."
We had visitors from Trinidad and Tobago today. I know this because they wrote it in the visitors book.

Contrary

I am aghast. Not only has my skewer story been read out on Woman's Hour, told on The Now Show and repeated on Talk Sport but tonight I began to tell Richie (a mate who's come to stay) and he stopped me and said he'd heard it around a dinner table on holiday in France. I mean. WHOSE STORY IS IT ANYWAY? No mention of the tea rooms on any outlet, but I live in hope of lots of French people venturing to Worcestershire to see the home of the bamboo panty skewer.
Today was odd. A older couple came in at 4.40 and asked for quiche. We had already extended lunch once but when I tried to dissuade them (Mary had packed away twice now) they said that someone they knew had ordered late yesterday. I didn't have the energy to challenge them so I forced Mary to get everything out again. To say she was happy would be a fib.

Feet and inches

Two people had the mystery cake - both women. Neither could identify the courgette. Both said they'd loved it but there's no way they'd have chosen it if they'd known about the veg content. They wanted the recipe.
A month ago a man asked if he could bring a walking party to us at about 4pm today. He'd call ahead when they'd gathered in the morning and let us know how many there'd be. Usually, he said, it was about a dozen. He rang this morning a little breathless. "Forty have shown up" he said, "I've asked for a show of hands on how many will want to come for tea afterwards and THERE'S TOO MANY TO COUNT. Is that ok?" Yes I said, but could they try to stagger their arrival. I was reassured that would be no problem as they'd all parked in different places and some would go to see the church first.
They ALL came at 4.30.
They ALL had cake.

A good tale

Lunch started well but torrential rain put paid to the afternoon. Younger son is camping up the road with the cubs, so not the best day for him.
On the brighter side our puppy went to Little Hereford Fete and came third in the waggiest tail category. We've got a rosette and everything.

Sherlock

It's been wet but people still came, though not in the numbers we've been used to.
The jewellery display is in place and the first bracelet was sold this morning. Clare brought the quiche and cakes I'd ordered yesterday plus one more for us to try. It looked like chocolate cake in a loaf shape, with chocolate buttercream running through it. It was even better than the regular chocolate cake. We sold a piece this afternoon as "mystery cake" to a family on their way home to Cornwall from a holiday in Scotland. We asked whether they could identify the secret ingredient. "Cinnamon?" one offered. "Coconut?". "Some sort of fruit?" Eventually, and with a lot of help, they landed on it. Courgette. The best thing to do with the glut in Clare's garden.

The Glorious Twelfth

Warwick Castle then a big fat burger made it "the best birthday ever". Result. I had a moment of nostalgia in the room with all the armour in it. Not because I longed to don a breastplate but because I looked at my watch and it was the time of his birth 12 years ago. We were drenched a few times during the afternoon. I rang the tea rooms to find they'd had a dry day and a surprise coach.

And Roll

Penhow WI came at the beginning of the day, and at the end was a group called Rock Solid - not a heavy metal oufit but a dozen 40/50 somethings who came straight from work for a tour of the church and to eat scones. The two ends of the day were held together by wave after wave of families.
Tomorrow is my older son's 12th birthday and I'm off to Warwick Castle for the day. On the day he was born Ita (the only Chilean member of my staff) was having a liver transplant.

Crumbs

Five other people were working with me today. At 1130 the six of us outnumbered the customers. Then, as if someone fired a starting pistol, in they came in great big family groups - a series of quiche orders, then a series of sandwich orders, then came the jacket potato lovers. The coach party which had been expected just after lunch came at 4 and decimated the cake display.
Tomorrow morning at 11 we have 19 WI members coming. Can I get more smoked salmon in time?

Trinkets

I'm going into the jewellery business. Come Friday a display cabinet will be brought along by Fiona's husband, and Fiona will come and "dress" it. I shall probably buy all the stock myself . So that'll be honey, plants, apple juice, bird-boxes-in-the-shape-of-red-pillar-boxes and jewellery on sale in our little emporium.
Special sandwich: smoked salmon and cream cheese - unbelievably popular.

Get ahead

A man had booked a table for 4 today. I wrote it down but didn't check the diary so was relieved when there was a great table free for him and his three friends. One of whom was a lactose intolerant vegetarian. He wanted quiche. Did it have milk in it? Probably I said. I wouldn't risk it. "It doesn't usually have milk in quiche? Are you sure?" he said. I wasn't. But Naomi has just gone on holiday for a week so I couldn't even check. He had a jacket potato with beans. One of his friends had the quiche.
Freda asked me whether we were doing well enough to invest in a new mop head.
Nancie had asked the very same thing yesterday.
I must act.

Come again another day

We are a fine people. From a vantage point behind the counter I looked outside today at families taking tea in the garden. In the pouring rain. One lady held her tea cup in one hand and an umbrella in the other. Would that happen anywhere else in the world? Only when it turned torrential did they pick up their tea cups and run inside.
A bumper day for cakes sold and friends dropping in.

Fayre Well

There was a funeral today in the church, after which 50 people came to us for lunch. The family had requested many things we don't usually do including roast beef, prawn and smoked salmon sandwiches. I was, naturally, anxious. The family said we'd done them very well, which is what I was hoping for. We had compliments from guests too. One lady was effusive: "We've been to a lot of funerals recently," she said, "but this has been the best."
I wasn't quite sure how to respond.

Cast Off

A Knit 'n' Natter group came today for tea and cake. Mainly millionaire's shortbread. I told them they should be done under the trades description act. Not one of them had brought their knitting. I told them they reminded me of my book group.
This morning a very English older man and his wife came for coffee and cake. He was, rather incongrously, wearing a dark grey hooded sweatshirt emblazoned with SFPD.
"Are you in the San Francisco Police Department?" I asked. Really I was joking. I assumed he'd bought it on holiday. He looked shocked. He asked me how I knew that's what it stood for?
His wife said their son had lived in the States for years but had recently become a citizen and joined the San Francisco police: "It's his mid-life crisis, " she said rolling her eyes. "And this is mine" I said, gesturing around the tea room.

No ifs.

The Verminator arrived this morning to put an end (I hope) to the wasp nest. It's underground so no telling how big it is, but the horrible things go in and out at a rate of knots so I reckon it must have been there a while.
Twelve members of Little Hereford WI came today. They sat on one big table in the conservatory and gales of laughter swept into the kitchen. Had it not been for them we'd have had a quiet-ish day. Late afternoon brought folks out for cake in the garden although I had to ask two to extinguish ciggies. I hate doing it. I hate picking up their butts even more.

Clever as Clever.

Taking little kids out for lunch can be tricky. There's usually one who's a bit, well, fussy. But that's ok. I hated bananas as a child and I still don't eat cheese unless it's cooked so I'm on their side. Mostly.
One mum sidled up to the counter and whispered. Could we do a jam sandwich? No butter? White bread? "No problem, " I beamed,"For the little girl?"
"He's a boy" she said.
A 6 year old boy with VERY long hair.
When everyone else was ordering he (not having heard the jam sandwich thing) asked for beans on toast. With no butter.
He ate only the pieces of the toast which had been soaked by the beans.
His mum and granny came back to order cake, and talked about his eating habits. He loves bananas and, bizarrely, chilli. The latter since his brother put a little on his plate recently. Today Granny offered him a little of her salad as he ate. This 6 year old's answer?
"I'm not ready for lettuce yet."

Scream

Wasps are becoming a nuisance. They're driving some customers mad and indoors. I have alerted the proper authorities (Geoff) who says he'll sort them.
Nancie was driven mad, not by wasps, but by a couple who just couldn't make up their mind what to have from our (lovely but) limited menu. Eventually plumping for two soups ("but I won't have a roll", "oh go on, then I can eat yours as well") he then returned for ice cream. There are 5 flavours of ice cream from which to choose. You can imagine how long that took.

Bring It On

August arrived. And we were very busy.
I opened early, prompted by a call from a historic car club who wanted coffee at 1030. As they (15 of them) sat down in the garden a large group of older lycra-clad male cyclists arrived. Tea and cake for all of them. And could I get the drive straightened out cos the bumps hurt their bums? They'd come more often if the pot-holes weren't there.
Some very old friends I'd not seen for 20 years came for lunch and really got into planning what I should do with the place. They were proposing jazz quartets and twinkly lights and evening soirées. And weddings.
On Friday when I went from one table (a man planning the wake this Friday for his mother - 50 people) to a second (a young couple asking if they could hold their wedding reception here in September 2011) to a call from yet another group wanting to book for last night, the 'phone rang again. Nancie said not to answer it: "It'll be Obama," she said, "He'll want to book the tea rooms for the next G8 summit."

Saturday. Say No to C E L L O

The 41 came, ate, drank and praised us. The 18 members of the Queen's Park Sinfonia had their tea. Mid way through a man approached, said he was a cellist and asked me if he could warm up in the tea rooms until 8.30. I told him we'd be gone by 8 (with any luck) and he went away. He did, however, borrow one of our chairs which he used during the concert.
Apparently this chap is Ulrich Heinen, a world-renowned cellist.
The chair was outside the gate this morning, and I set it back under one of the tables in the conservatory.
It should have a plaque on it.