Slick

My younger son is in China on a school trip.
Which is just as well.
Yesterday we discovered that when he dropped a jar of oily artichokes on the kitchen floor last week he cleared them up using the vacuum cleaner.
We found this out when we used the vac and it left a dirty great oil stain on the carpet.
Now we need a new carpet AND a new vacuum cleaner.
Grrrr.

Maple Maypole

My ruse didn't work. I didn't win the lottery.
Which is fine because I wouldn't have been able to concentrate and there was so much to concentrate on this week.
Yesterday was grumpy husband day.
One man sat in the garden. His wife came in to order.
When I took out their cream teas he looked at her and said, "What's this?"
She answered that it was a scone and immediately took the cream away, "you're not allowed that" she said, "and there's no such thing as cake that's good for you, that's the best I could do."
I told them that in future they could ask for our "virtuous cake". It's a cider bread with lower sugar content (apart from the fruit) and no fat (unless you cover it with the butter we serve alongside it).
He said he'd try that next time...

Then there were the Australian couples. Coffee and tea for three of them, the fourth going for a full lunch. One of the ladies noticed one of my glass cake stands:
"Look, I'm going to tell you something interesting," she began, which may have been her undoing, "my mother had one of those plates. It was just like that, and now I have it. And it's all the way across the world."
"Yes that is interesting" said her husband with what I detected was a large slice of sarcasm.

Today we had a group of three from Canada. They were Morris Dancers. The stick and rags kind. Not the bells brigade.
They showed me photographs of some of the groups they've seen and the places they've been. They're doing a tour and dancing their way around various towns in England, admitting that the troupes are often just performing for each other.
Today was a day off from the stick-hitting and they were dressed in their normal day wear. A shame.

Canny. Uncanny.

Something is afoot.
It could be momentous.
It's certainly strange.

Today it rained and rained.
I decided from the start that I had too many staff on duty, many of whom rang in to ask if I really needed them? So we were just four. A few wet walkers came for coffee. A handful of Court visitors warmed up with tea. We were so quiet that I made two lemon drizzle cakes. One of our number went home and then we were three.
I commented that we wouldn't need to make soup tomorrow morning as we had hardly made a dent in today's pea and mint.
I made this comment and less than five minutes later a group of 16 people walked in, shook the rain from their hair and umbrellas and ordered 16 soup. In fact, all of the soup we had left.
Someone was mocking me.
The group organiser came to pay the bill and told me how he'd once left his wallet on a counter and walked away. I told him that last season a lady left her bag and all its contents - 'phone, wallet, driver's licence etc and didn't realise until she got home to Bradford and found a message from us on her answer phone.
The group left to see the fountain. A minute later we found a lady's handbag in the conservatory where the party had eaten.
Someone was having a laugh.
I ran after them to return the bag and on the way back cooked up a plan.
"I've never won the lottery" I said aloud, hoping that the mocking, laughing someone would take the bait....

Pie in the sky

Today I had a shock.
A lady came to the counter, looked at our menu board and then asked if we had any Steak Bakes.

No.

She ordered a strawberry milk shake and a slice of carrot cake instead.

Revisiting

It's been very busy. But that's sunshine for you.
Yesterday was one of those multiple wave days. We had brief interludes of calm followed by great deluges of people. Lots of panini and sandwiches and the bundles of local asparagus flew off the counter.
Today, lovely and busy too, and about forty former BBC friends and colleagues from the local radio station gathered to mark its 25th anniversary with tea, cake and an array of photographs that showed how none of us has aged (?) and how we all had different hair and clothing styles back then. In my case a complete lack of style - hair or clothing.

We have a new quiche on the menu - tomato and pecorino cheese. In the kitchen it was renamed Macarena cheese with an accompanying swoosh of the hips.

Five into one (day) does go.

Possibly one of my best working days ever.
What a great lot of people.
And there were a LOT of people.
Two coach drivers, both Scottish, both bringing tour groups, talked about the referendum. One on one side of the debate, one on the other: "It doesn't mean we don't like you if we vote yes," said Mr No Voter. Mr Yes Voter said nothing.
Two ladies arrived to ask if we could fit them in? They'd read yesterday's post and knew we were going to be busy so they ordered their lunch before going off to discover the delights of the church and the crypt.
And who knew the Dutch could drink so much coffee?
As I cleared their table I told them I'd never made so many double espressos. 
"Your americanos aren't strong enough for us'" answered one. Was she the one who had four shots of coffee with her lunch?
Or was she the one who bought two slices of coffee and walnut cake for the journey home to The Netherlands?
The walking group preordered lunch and arrived to eat panini and jacket potatoes and salads outside in lovely sunshine (at a table the Dutch were just vacating). 
And the Bridgend 36 took their Afternoon Tea in the conservatory. 

What could have been mayhem on a rainy day was actually wonderfully civilised. 
Thank goodness for the fair weather.

Gulp

I have to take a very deep breath before opening tomorrow.
We have five potential groups of visitors dropping in throughout the day.
At least, five that I know about:

A WI group of 14 at 1015.
Twenty three Dutch visitors at 12.
29 history enthusiasts from Keynsham & Salford from 1230.
20-25 local walkers at 1.30.
34 retired teachers from Bridgend at 3.30.

And the forecast is good.

I have just been to the local farm to stock up with local asparagus for tomorrow's visitors.
And tonight I shall be going to bed early.
Not overstating this am I?

Creating an impression

Lady overheard last week as I cleared a table in the conservatory:
"I know I sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger in that film when I say this but...I shall return."

Brilliant.

One of the young people who works at the tea rooms has a Saturday morning job in a DIY store. Yesterday he arrived fresh from having a "heated discussion" with a customer and told us the tale from his viewpoint.
She was upset that they only sold undercoat in white.
It should come in other colours, she told him; there was a customer demand.
He tried to explain that she was the only person he knew of who had asked for it in anything other than white, that everyone wants white because it is, after all, an undercoat.
She said it was too glaring.
He said it would be painted over so would it matter?
She said that while she was painting it on the wall it would be too glaring.

Off the NZ coast.

Thursday was antipodean day.
It rained on and off all day so we were much quieter but clearly the rain doesn't put off those from down under.
We had a couple from Australia with their two show dogs. They came for a panini lunch. Here for 3 months this time though they've only just returned after a previous stay.
The dogs were gorgeous -- champion Airedale Terriers. Torch and Millie, father and daughter. They all flew here. To fly a dog to the UK is what they called "business class prices".
But they are champions...

Then late afternoon four Kiwis. Two who've made their home locally and two visiting them to celebrate their fortieth wedding anniversary.
I told them we'd had a couple in from Australia that very day.
"Australia?" they grimaced,  "where's that?"

Fatigued and Frozen

The second Bank Holiday of the 2014 season was even busier than the first.
I think.
It was warm too.
To be honest I am feeling the result of the past few days in my feet, arms, legs and eyes. This could be down to large numbers of people requesting tea, cake, panini, jacket spuds, sandwiches, high teas, afternoon teas and cream teas (oh my goodness, so many scones) but it might also have something to do with having another birthday on Sunday. So not only was I "celebrating" but I had to get over the "celebration" as an older human being. It gets harder as one gets older to get over a late night. Or so I've found.
Before anyone jumps to any conclusions I should point out that my "celebration" was a bottle of prosecco, a roast chicken and asparagus supper (cooked by my husband and shared with visiting friends) and the DVD of Frozen.
My kind of evening.